Title : Top Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods (DBZ Movie 14) by Top Blogger
link : Top Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods (DBZ Movie 14) by Top Blogger
Top Dragon Ball Z: Battle of Gods (DBZ Movie 14) by Top Blogger
Long ago, a chance meeting between two people lead to an adventure of great heights and legends, the likes of which the Earth has never known.
Legendary battles of good verses evil, against terrible foes who would do humanity or even the universe harm if the hero Son Goku gave in and let them. Piccolo Daimao, Vegeta, Freeza, Cell, Majin Boo... the list of Son Goku's greatest rivals, and the greatest threats to the universe. Their stories, epic tales of might verses right, where the struggles and sacrifices of the righteous are rewarded in victory, but only after grueling hard work.
This... is not one of those stories.
We begin with Kibitoshin and Ol' Dirty Bastard looking up at the sky, as they feel a presence awaken they've not felt in 39 years. Beerus, the Destroyer, God of Destruction.
On his own world, Kaio-sama feels the presence of the God of Destruction as well, and immediately begins to fear for what may come now that he is active yet again. (Kaio's own world was once blown up by Beerus after he lost a game of Hide and Seek.) Goku, who is training with Bubbles on Kaio's world, sees something is wrong with Kaio. Kaio-sama takes Goku on a drive to tell him about the delicate balance between creation and destruction - Gods of Creation exist like the Kaioshin, and the Gods of Destruction exist to balance them.
It's a remarkably short drive, all told.
Of course, if this Beerus guy is tough, Goku wants to fight him.
Kaio-sama tells him that he absolutely, ABSOLUTELY, cannot fight him!
But when has that ever worked?
Meet Beerus and Whis. Whis is the God of Destruction's attendant, while Beerus is a lazy cat man who blows up planets for a living. 39 years ago, Beerus was told by an Oracle Fish that he would meet his arch-rival in 39 years, so he set his alarms to wake him up after that time.
The Oracle Fish is cute.
While he slept, Beerus had a dream about a Super Saiyan God, who he thinks is this arch-rival. Yet he told Freeza before he slept that it was alright with him if he destroyed Planet Vegeta, home of the Saiyans. He doesn't much like Freeza though, and reckons he'll destroy him when he next sees him. That's when Whis informs him that a Super Saiyan, Son Goku of Earth, already did that for him.
Beerus learns about the other Saiyans on Earth as well - five Saiyans, all told. All of them Super Saiyans. He decides to ask each of them in turn if they know about this "Super Saiyan God", and the one he'll ask first is the one Whis tells him is on the North Kaio's World.
It will take he and Whis 26 minutes to get there, which is the length of an anime episode, Beerus notes. (I bet he likes Outlaw Star, for the plot.)
Meanwhile on Earth, it's Bulma's birthday! Her 38th birthday, if you asked her. But she's full of shit since it's actually her 45th. (This doesn't come up in the movie, but she was born in Age 733, and this movie takes place in Age 778. And it isn't a plothole because Bulma's always full of shit. What is a plothole is Mr. Satan not remember who Dende is and that's he's Kami, but what would be a modern DBZ product without at least one gaping plothole?)
And everyone is along for the party!
Except Goku and Vegeta, who are both off training.
(She's pretty salty over it.)
Back on Kaio's world, Goku remembers it's Bulma's birthday and is suddenly more afraid of her than Beerus. (Goku reckons her retaliation would be worse, and he's incurred it.)
As if summoned, Beerus arrives on Kaio's world and meets with Goku. He doesn't see how someone like him could have beaten Freeza, but asks him about the Super Saiyan God anyway. Goku's never met a Super Saiyan named God, and doesn't know about that kinda transformation either. But, he does want to know if they could have a little sparring match before Beerus goes to Earth to ask Vegeta.
Beerus agrees, but only if Goku goes all-out from the start.
So ladies and gents, let's do the count.
This is a Super Saiyan,
This is a Super Duper Saiyan,
and this is a Super Duper Pooper Scooper.
Beerus sees now how he could have beat Freeza with this power,
and Goku likes his chances.
It doesn't work out.
Meanwhile, Vegeta is training by pressing buttons on those training Droids Luke uses in Episode 4.
(I think he's practicing for Bulma's clit.)
Kaio-sama contacts Vegeta and gives him the news about Beerus coming to Earth, and tells him under no circumstance is he to let the God of Destruction get annoyed. Vegeta is shocked there's someone who could beat Kakarotto at full power, without even exerting themselves.
So shocked he begins to tremble and get edgy, so that when he does join the party and Bulma comes over to drunkenly argue with him, he shouts at her.
But then Beerus calls out to him.
And Vegeta remembers meeting him before.
Bulma comes over to drunkenly flirt with Whis,
but Vegeta puts a quick stop to that.
Vegeta lies that the two are friends of his and Bulma invites them to join her birthday party. Whis and Beerus are both foodies, and the prospect of all the strange and delicious new Earth foods to try is simply too much for them to pass up.
And that's how the God of Destruction got invited to Bulma's 45th 38th birthday.
However, elsewhere on Capsule Corp. grounds lurk three familiar villains - the Pilaf Gang: Pilaf, Mai, and Shuu! They've been trying at world domination ever since their last defeat at the hands of Piccolo Daimao, and even managed to get the Dragon Balls, once. Of course, rather than asking for world domination or untold riches, Pilaf asked to be made young again, like Piccolo... only to have Shen Long make them little kids. (Maybe Shen Long didn't want them thanking him by blowing him up?) But now they've tracked the Dragon Balls to the CC and as everyone else parties, they're going to steal them and get their wish!
They find Bulma's room for keeping Bingo prizes.
Pilaf vandalizes the plane and castle she's offering,
and together they drool over second prize, a gigantic diamond.
But it's first prize they truly desire - The Dragon Balls!
Finally, at long last, after 441 episodes, Pilaf is going to get his WISH!
Except Trunks and Goten catch them in the prize room.
And they're not happy at all to see Goten.
Who they think is Goku, the monstrous Oozaru who destroyed their castle!
So the Pilaf Gang make a break for it, but not before Mai gives Trunks the diamond back.
Which was only a ruse to swipe the Four-Star-Ball.
Even though you can't get a wish with one Dragon Ball, you can ransom it back to the Brief family for... 1,000,000 Zeni!
... of course, as Shuu points out, that diamond was uh, worth more than 1-mil.
Pilaf and Mai tell Shuu to stop being stupid and quote Biggie Smalls at him.
Trunks, trying to act cool, tells Goten that Mai is his girlfriend. And that they've held hands.
Goten, a giant blabbermouth, tells Bulma.
So Trunks has to come over and ask Mai to pretend to be his girlfriend.
Pilaf thinks he means him.
But when he says no, Shuu thinks he means him.
(I've missed you guys so fucking much.)
In the end, Trunks gets it across to Mai that they'll need to hold hands.
And for a woman who thinks blowing a kiss is dirty, she can hardly stand it.
So Pilaf, Shuu, and Mai join Trunks at Bulma's party, and Trunks gets to pretend to have a girlfriend as his mom announces the beginning of the Bingo tournament. But shit hits the fan when Yamcha points out a Dragon Ball is missing, and Pilaf immediately drops the Four-Star-Ball from his pocket. So, Mai and Shuu react by taking Trunks hostage.
The cutest hostage situation ever.
Beerus begins to get annoyed, but Vegeta assures him that Mai is his son's girlfriend and they're just putting on a show.
Drunk, Gohan wants to join in the show, too.
So he becomes the Great Saiyaman~!!!
"Is that a Super Saiyan God?"
Gohan encourages Mai to shoot at him to make the show more spectacular. When she does, she fires real bullets which Gohan deflects with ease.
Then Gohan chews her out for using a real gun.
In his drunken state, Gohan accidentally lets a bullet ricochet, grazing his wife Videl's leg.
Dende heals her easily, but notes she's pregnant.
Videl wants to keep it on the down-low, having kept it from Gohan as a surprise.
Yet such antics were enough to properly annoy Beerus, who decides now is the time he'll destroy Planet Earth. Now only one thing can save the world from this deadly foe...
Vegeta's Bingo song and dance.
Seeing Vegeta is as bad at singing as Whis, Beerus calms and goes back to eating food. It looks to Vegeta like everything will be fine, and that his pride sacrifice did the trick to protect the Earth from the wrath of the destroyer...
That is until Mr. Boo refuses to share his pudding.
Finally furious, Beerus proceeds to beat everyone's ass.
In the case of Gotenks, literally.
All while Whis enjoys delicious sushi and gets some to-go. (Before Beerus blows up the whole world and he can never enjoy sushi again.)
As he lays there, beaten in two hits, Gohan reflects on what it's like to be Yamcha.
Yet even as Beerus kicks the crap out of every single Z fighter, Bulma still goes up, drunk out of her gourd, and slaps Beerus for ruining her party. Beerus slaps her back.
And that makes Vegeta mad. Really mad.
So mad he turns into an "awesome version of Super Saiyan" that, apparently, surpasses Goku. Exactly how that works, given that he seems to be um... regular ol' Super Saiyan, while Goku fought him as Super Saiyan 3, it's never really explained.
how do multipliers work
But not even an "awesome version of Super Saiyan" lasts forever, my son.
Oops.
With everyone beaten, Beerus comes over to the pool where our defeated heroes gather, and informs them he'll give one chance for the Earth to survive. But he wants to play Rock-Paper-Scissors with Oolong to decide.
Yamcha sees this as a golden opportunity! Beerus must think Oolong is a normal pig, right? But he's a pig-man, which means unlike a pig, he can throw more than just Scissors in the game. If he throws Paper against Beerus, who is sure to expect Scissors and throw Rock, Oolong will win and once more save the Earth itself...!!!
"ALRIGHT!"
It doesn't work out.
"... you idiots, I heard you talking."
Just then, Goku arrives! And he has a plan for getting Beerus what he wants, if he'll leave the Earth alone. To find out what a Super Saiyan God is, they gather up the Dragon Balls and just... ask Shen Long.
And Shen Long, a 308 year old dragon who has never left Earth, knows what it is.
He tells them the story of how five Saiyans of pure intent instilled their essence into another righteous Saiyan, giving rise to a Super Saiyan God who led a revolt on the other wicked Saiyans. But after not too long, the power up wore off and Planet Vegeta went back to the way it was before, ruled by Saiyans with wicked hearts.
And since he piss-scared of Beerus, Shen Long excuses himself.
Everyone proceeds to debate whether or not that have enough Saiyans. Piccolo suggests only Gohan and Goten have a pure intent, given that Goku and Vegeta are, well, idiot jocks, and Trunks is already holding hands with a girl at his age. It's pointed out that Vegeta hasn't done anything bad in a long time, so everyone gives him a round of applause. And Muten Roshi wonders if Goku's pure heart actually means he has pure intent, or if his need to keep gaining more strength disqualifies him. (you taught him to be that way but okay)
In the end, Dende says they have, broadly speaking, five nice enough Saiyans who should be fine to give it a go.
But it doesn't work, since they need six Saiyans.
It's Videl's womb to the rescue, as she reveals her and Gohan's cooking baby and that she will assist her Gramps in becoming a Super Saiyan God.
Five righteous hearts merge into Son Goku's pure Saiyan heart... and from it...
Super Saiyan God is born.
(Originally by the lovely http://coolerthanmyfez.tumblr.com~!)
With the rise of Goku's new Godly Power, he and Beerus have an epic fight.
Which looks a bit like Dragon Ball: Final Bout.
Only less cool.
Goku is irritated that he had to rely on others to enter this level of strength and Beerus asks him why he sacrificed his pride. Goku wants to fight Beerus and prevent him from destroying the Earth, and Beerus mocks him for it, calling it useless. Piccolo comments that the fight seems more like Beerus is trying to teach him than beat him, and even as Goku's Super Saiyan God form disappears, the fight continues heating up.
Goku even launches his contractually obligated Kamehameha at Beerus.
Despite absorbing the power of a God into his own, original self, Goku can't keep up with Beerus, who forms a massive flaming ball of ki and fires it at the Earth.
But his desire to protect his loved ones reawakens his Godliness, and he eats the ki.
In the end, Beerus says Goku is the second-strongest person he's ever fought - after Whis, who is his teacher. They come back to Earth and Beerus settles for destroying a single bit of rock and says he'll blow up the rest some other time. Whis offers Goku the position of God of Destruction when Beerus grows old and dies, and like other times Goku was offered Godly positions, he declines. Everyone becomes friends and happy times are had by all.
But then the movie has like three or four more endings because apparently Peter Jackson directed it.
Then the credits role to the signature song of Dragon Ball Z, Cha-La Head Cha-La. Only instead of Kageyama's powerful vocals, it's some kid with a wimpy voice and some autotune. And that, dear readers, is a perfect microcosm of this whole movie.
Also, pedophilia.
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