Top Jaco the Galactic Patrolman by top Blogger

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Top Jaco the Galactic Patrolman by top Blogger

Long before Freeza came to Earth. Before the Saiyans. Before even Son Goku. Earth met a very different visitor. Although not its first alien encounter, this one is significant because of what almost didn't happen because of it.

Meet Omori.
He's an elderly scientist who specializes in space-time.
He lives alone on this beautiful island.
And he hates everyone.

And for good reason, too. Years ago, the government set up this island for him, his wife, and his assistants to work, in secret, on the creation of the first Time Machine. When it literally blew up in their faces, killing his wife and many assistants, the government abandoned the facility and everyone left... Except Omori. He has stayed in solitude, with his many cats and wife's grave, toiling away the days trying to crack how to finish his time machine. So far, he can only cause time to stop, and even that lasts less than a minute before things return to normal. He is, in many respects, a bitter, disgruntled, lonely old man.

But his small island will soon play host to a battle that extends far beyond the Milky Way.

Oh boy.

Omori sees a strange flying object crash into the waters beside his island. Waters which are inhabited by a deadly, nocturnal monster shark. Inside the spacecraft is a man who has come to this planet to save it from a faraway threat. A man who joined a proud and elite force of galactic police. A man who may have ruined his spaceship by bumping it into the moon because he was busy watching videos instead of watching where he was driving. A man from another world...

Jaco, the Galactic Patrolman!!

And while a clear klutz with more of a brain for showmanship than actual police work, Jaco isn't without strength.

He's faster and stronger than a monster shark, for instance.

Omori doesn't know what to do with the weird little alien on his doorstep, so he invites him to stay and, as an engineer, promises to fix his spaceship. Though he's no rocket scientist, he thinks he can figure out what the issue is: When he crashed, Jaco broke off his fuel source.

They have a nice little chat about how much Omori hates people, and Jaco assures him he can use an Extinction Bomb to wipe out all intelligent life on Earth, if they're really that bad.

Omori decides he doesn't actually hate people that much.

As Omori looks over Jaco's spacecraft, his island is suddenly visited by Agent Katayude, from the Government Police. Omori tells Jaco to hide, as he makes to see what the government wants of him now, after all these years. Katayude says they plan to take his island and use it to house politicians, and if that isn't sufficiently "save the rec center" enough for you, he tells Omori he has to leave the island... in one week!

Dog King, you were supposed to be better than this. Where's that change I can believe in?

However, before Katayude's boat is out of sight of the island, he catches a glimpse of a strange someone lurking above the island's buildings.

Anyway, while Omori returns to work on Jaco's spaceship, Jaco spends his time learning about this Pop Idol who is planning to take a spaceship beyond the atmosphere to be the first person to put on a performance in space.

Meet An Azuki, a hilariously depressing comment on Idol culture.

(Stupid catchy J-pop.)

Upon further inspection, Omori discovers the source of Jaco's fuel. A rare metal called Sky Gold on Earth, which goes for roughly 38 million yen per pound... and Jaco's ship likely takes around two pounds to be fully stocked. Unable to think of any reasonable way to get that kind of money (Jaco suggests selling photo albums of all his, uh, cool poses), Omori decides they should go to nearby Metro East and stock up on food and supplies. (Milk and cheese for Jaco, as that's exclusively what he eats. Like me.) Since Jaco wants to go too, he'll need to go in disguise.

(This comic is a straight up early 90s kids movie.)

Shortly there after, they arrive in the capital...
... and Omori reminds Jaco to keep a low profile.

So, being the genius cop he is, Jaco immediately gets in a fight with a rude samurai.

Shoots and probably kills a mugger.

And then beats up a group of thugs harassing a young woman.
... and then beats up the police when they come to help.

Thankfully, the young woman, a teenage girl named Tights, manages to get Jaco and Omori to the safety of a quiet rooftop. Tights is an aspiring science-fiction writer, so she's absolutely thrilled to meet a real life alien. Jaco, sensing a new audience to endear, strikes one of his fanciful poses.

... which immediately gives their location away.

With nothing else for it, Jaco has to go full on E.T. to save the day, sans-bicycle.

"Those are some magical guys."

The gang makes it back to Omori's boat and, with Tights along for the ride, get to his island safely. There, our heroes sit back and watch the coverage of Jaco's wild day out unfold on the news.

Jaco is less than happy about their coverage.

Meanwhile, on Fox News...

The next day, Tights heads back into town as the one member of their merry band who isn't a wanted criminal. She picks up food for Omori, milk for Jaco, her own clothing so she can move onto the island, and one other thing that she spent all her money on, making her need the change in address...

Jaco's Sky Gold.

While not enough to fly back to Galactic Patrol HQ, it should turn his communications back on so he can call for aid and pick up.

... except that he immediately breaks his ship's antenna.

Back on TV, the Metro East PD release a sketch of the mysterious Mask Man...

... and a certain government agent recognizes the face!

Later, Tights asks Omori if she can borrow his boat to Kiwi Island, where the Idol An Azuki's shuttle is set to launch in the morning.

Because Tights got the money for the Sky Gold by signing up to be An Azuki's body double.

See, in the Dragon World, much like our own world, people do silly shit all the time. In this case, launch a teenage girl into space with a rocket that only has a 60% chance of making it to space and back, so said teenage girl can sell more records. But since the teenage girl is a valuable money maker, they send another teenage girl - one who is interested in learning more about space to write about in her fiction - to probably die in her place.

Anyway, Omori lets Tights go to Kiwi Island. Once there, this manga officially passes the Bechdel Test.

Back on Omori's island, several things happen in rapid succession.

Katayude and his elite force arrive...
... An Azuki's shuttles lifts off and begins to fail...
... Jaco quickly takes out the elite force...
... and as they're licking their wounds...
... Jaco and Omori use his time machine to stop time.
This gives them the time they need to fly Jaco's ship to Azuki's ship, saving Tights and her fellow astronaut,
and blow the rocket out of the sky, saving the entire population of Metro East.

Witnessing their extraordinary heroics, Katayude applauds Jaco and Omori,
and promises to tell no one about his "robot" and to leave his island in peace.

And with that, the day is saved.

For now.

There's still the little matter of the whole reason Jaco came to Earth to begin with.

The next day, Jaco explains all about it to Tights. Far off on the Planet Vegeta, the brutal Saiyan people sent one of their soldiers to this world to destroy its population and conquer it. Because of Saiyans long childhoods and frontier planets like Earth's weak populations, Saiyans typically send children to such worlds. One of these children, Jaco is strong enough to defeat. But if they'd sent a fully grown adult, Jaco says they're all on their own.

Then Tights asks about Jaco's outfit. He says it isn't an outfit... it's his skin.

With that one push, and a tiny bit of pee, all of Earth's history is changed.

(That is the single most Dragon Ball sentence I've ever typed.)

Jaco soon concludes that the alien craft from Planet Vegeta must have landed elsewhere, and puts it out of his mind while he focuses on a way to get home.

But elsewhere on Earth, in the Paozu region...

In order to purchase enough Sky Gold for Jaco to get back home, Tights suggests they sell the rights to the advanced gravitational technology that powers the cockpit of Jaco's Galactic Patrol spaceship. Omori has doubts, having been burned by too many untrustworthy businessmen. But Tights knows a very wealthy inventor who would be very trustworthy with such groundbreaking technology...

Her dad, Dr. Brief of Capsule Corporation.

Tights calls her dad and he, along with Mama Brief and little Bulma Brief, make their way from Metro West to Omori's island.

And it's very precious.

But while everyone else goes inside Omori's home to discuss the details and have dinner, Bulma stays outside to check out Jaco's spaceship.

She quickly learns to fly it...
... repairs the antenna, which even Omori couldn't figure out...
... gets a pretty solid grasp on how the gravity tech works...
... and finally, tells them they could just use copper to power his ship.

You Can't Get Rid of It Fast Enough.

And so, with all the mysteries solved, everyone lives happily ever after as life long friends. And Jaco even gets a girlfriend. Now the Planet Earth is finally at peace...

... and will remain so, thanks to Jaco's incompetence.


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