Title : Top Dragon Ball Kai ep 3 - A Life-or-Death Battle! Goku and Piccolo's Ferocious Suicide Attack by top Blogger
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Top Dragon Ball Kai ep 3 - A Life-or-Death Battle! Goku and Piccolo's Ferocious Suicide Attack by top Blogger
In order to save his young son Gohan from his scheming brother Raditz, Son Goku must team up with his old rival Piccolo Daimao (Lord of the Demons, Second of His Name). But Raditz assures the Earth's strongest team that, even if they manage to defeat him, he has two even more powerful Saiyan allies waiting for him out in space.
Not even Goku is feeling wakuwaku about that.
"Hey."
Goku and Piccolo can hardly keep up with Raditz, despite outnumbering him. Their assault is cut short when Raditz uses his first of many attacks with weekday-based names. In this case, the Double Sunday. Exactly how Raditz knows what a day of the week is when this is literally his first day on Earth, I don't know.
But I'll never get tired of knocking folks out of the ring with that one, gents.
Piccolo has a new technique he thinks could kill Raditz, and he can do it despite having lost an arm to a Single Sunday. Problem is, it takes a bit to gather the ki for; So Goku will need to take on Raditz on his own while Piccolo powers up the deadly Makankosappo. (Which roughly translates to the "Fuck You Beam" or "Get Totally Fucked Attack".)
"Fight him on my own? That could be fun."
"It's not fun."
While Piccolo charges up his "Why Don't You Fucking Blow Me" Beam, Goku leaps into the air to do the first Kamehameha of Dragon Ball Kai. (If this were GT, he'd have used it approximately 800 times already instead of doing something creative.)
Raditz then notices on his Scouter that Goku and Piccolo's Battle Powers more than triple while their gathering energy for their attacks. This is apparently something Raditz either hasn't seen before, or sees barely... which means the kind of fights he gets into must be really, really boring.
Of course, Goku's Kamehameha does nothing more to Raditz but make him use yet another attack named after a day of the week.
It's the Saturday Crush, this time!
(Raditz is always working for the weekend.)
(Raditz is always working for the weekend.)
Then a lot of things happen really quickly.
Goku falls down to earth heavily injured.
Raditz rushes over to him
... and prepares to pummel his fucking face in.
But Piccolo is done with his "Eat Shit And Die" Wave.
Which he fires off at Raditz.
Raditz dodges it, but just barely.
It injures his right arm, but mostly his pride.
But not as much as it injures Piccolo's.
Raditz prepares yet another weekday attack (Um, Tuesday Boogie?)
But Goku grabs his tail, rendering Raditz helpless!
Piccolo prepares another attack while Raditz begs for freedom.
"But I don't wanna die ):"
"Oh, okay. :)"
"But I don't wanna die ):"
"Oh, okay. :)"
"Fuck you! >:D"
Then Raditz crushes Goku's ribs into dust.
He's about to finish off his little brother when suddenly, his spacepod explodes.
And his Scouter reads a power even greater than either Goku's or Piccolo's...
It's motherfucking Gohan.
"Gohan...."
"... SMAAAAAASH!!!"
"Poop."
Raditz realizes that Gohan doesn't yet understand how to use his power, but it is entirely based on his emotions. Because of this, Raditz figures his nephew is actually the most dangerous one here, and decides to take him out first.
But Pop-pop ain't having none of that.
Weakened by Gohan's attack, Goku is able to grab hold of Raditz just long enough for Piccolo to nail them both with his Makankosappo (or the "Screw Beam of the Motherfucker").
Raditz is shocked that his brother would give his own life so that he would be killed; So Piccolo, gloating, tells him that thanks to Earth's Dragon Balls, Goku won't be dead for long. Since they can grant any wish - even the revival of the dead.
"... bro I've been sending this whole convo to my homies and they gonna come here and wreck your shit in a year. You best believe that."
"STOP TALKING LIKE THAT."
Meanwhile, in space...
Introducing the last surviving Saiyan Warriors, Nappa and Vegeta.
"Man, those Dragon Balls sound pretty sweet. Let's go get them."
"Yeah, we should revive Raditz."
"The fuck? Why would we ever do that?"
"Because he's our friend, you fucking psychopath."
The Saiyan Warriors decide to use the Dragon Balls to wish for eternal life, so that they can fight stuff forever. (Because Saiyans are actually idiot monkeys, for real.)
Back on Earth, Kuririn, Bulma, and Muten Roshi arrive to be with Goku in his final moments, where he's just happy Chichi won't be mad at him for letting their son get killed.
Good job, dad. Good job.
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